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Oh, and the rumors? Some say Cleopatra invented the sexy rubdown—bullshit, prolly, but I’d buy it, she was wild. Funny thing, tho—half these masseuses got hands like stormtroopers, missin every damn shot. Sarcasm aside, when it’s good, it’s galactic. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d trade my lightsaber for a solid hour of that. So, yeah, erotic-massage—slow, dark, messy, like Anatolia’s endless roads. Try it, kid, but don’t get ripped off. *heavy breathing* I am your father, and I approve.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Modiin-Ilit, right? The sun’s blaring through my window on Rechov HaShalom. I’m like, “Ugh, not today!” But ya know, gotta get up.

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