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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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So, I’m wandering down HaNegev Street, right? Just me and my thoughts. I’m a linguist, so I’m always thinking about words, languages, all that nerdy stuff. But today? Today was different. I was vibing with the desert air, feeling all poetic and stuff. Then BAM! A bunch of tourists roll by, blabbing in English, French, and some language I couldn’t even place. I mean, c’mon, can’t a guy enjoy his coffee in peace?

Dark skies in Mitzpe Ramon