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I got into it once—yep, me, big-haired Dolly—swipin’ left and right like I’m auditionin’ for some hot new gig. Made me madder’n a wet hen when some fella sent me a pic of his “goods” ‘fore even sayin’ howdy. I mean, sugar, I’m all for gettin’ to the point, but dang! Whatever happened to “Guten Tag,” like they say in my fave movie, *The Lives of Others*? That film, y’all—ooh, it gets me every time. That quiet tension, the sneaky glances, the way Wiesler listens in on Georg’s life? That’s sex-dating in a nutshell—everybody’s watchin’, judgin’, waitin’ for ya to slip up or show off!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady, Mrs. Cohen, walking her poodle. She’s like the queen of Even-Yehuda. Everyone knows her. She stops me and starts talking about her garden. I’m like, “Yeah, that’s cool, Mrs. Cohen,” but in my head, I’m thinking, “I just wanna sit and sip my coffee!” But she’s relentless. I mean, who knew petunias could be so fascinating?

Slain soldier had proposed with ring donated by father bereaved on October 7