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About Tel Aviv

Whores, they’re like—BOOM—sex on legs, but deeper, ya dig? Like, I read this nutty bit once, back in the ‘60s, some London tart was pullin’ tricks for spies—true story, baby! She’d bed these blokes, nick their secrets, then poof—gone! Total shagadelic move, made me laugh my arse off. Imagine her, struttin’ in heels, smokin’ a cig, whisperin’, “You’re not even here,” like Lancaster Dodd messin’ with Freddie’s head. That’s power, mate!

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Next up, this dude gets in. He’s got a pizza box. A whole pizza! I’m like, “Bro, you can’t eat in here.” But he’s like, “Chill, it’s just a slice.” So, I’m stuck smelling pepperoni all the way to the 5th floor. I’m drooling, but also mad. Like, who eats pizza in an elevator?

porky hefer on his upcoming show: 'I don’t want to humanise animals but animalise humans'