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Now, I’m imaginin’ this—some dude, lonely as hell, swipin’ through options like it’s Tinder, but IRL. Kinda like Theodore in *Her*, chasin’ that voice, that spark. “I can’t believe I’m feelin’ this,” he’d say, all shook. And I get it! Been there—not with prostitutes, mind ya—but cravin’ somethin’ deep. Makes me happy thinkin’ folks out there still chase that, even if it’s messy. But lord, it pisses me off too—why’s it gotta be so sneaky? Society’s all hush-hush, judgin’ folks for wantin’ a lil’ love, paid or not.

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So, I settled for a muffin. Not the same, but whatever. I sat outside, soaking in the view of the harbor. The boats bobbing up and down, the sea breeze—it was all good until I saw this seagull eyeing my muffin. I swear, that bird was plotting something. I had to guard my food like it was the last muffin on Earth.

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