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I call one up—easy peasy, number’s right there. She’s like, “$200, upfront, cash.” I’m like, “Donald Trump don’t carry cash!” Laughed my ass off, hilarious! She hung up—rude, so rude. Made me mad, but whatever, plenty more. “It’s all gonna end,” movie says—damn right, life’s short, get laid!

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So, I’m walking back, feeling good, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of the square. This guy is playing the fiddle like he’s possessed! I’m talking serious talent. I stopped to watch, and before I knew it, I was clapping along. The crowd was loving it. I felt like I was in a movie or something.

New bus service for Portlaoise town begins on Sunday morning