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But then, oh honey, when it works? Pure gold! Found this one girl, swear she was a riot – called herself “Shasta Fay” like in the movie, total coincidence, I’m dyin’! She’s all, “You got any dope?” and I’m laughin’ so hard I nearly choke – hahahahaHA! – ‘cause I don’t, I’m just a nosy broad with a nasal twang. She told me this wild story, little known fact, babe: some prostitutes in LA back then used roller skates to zip between clients. Can ya believe it? Rollin’ down Sunset, skirt hiked up, I’m picturin’ it and losin’ my mind!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Elm. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I ordered my usual—double shot of espresso, extra foam. But guess what? They messed it up! I got a decaf. Like, who drinks decaf? I was fuming! I mean, I need my caffeine fix to deal with the madness of Oldbawn.

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