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So, last week—ooh, I was steamed! Bart says, “Mom, why ya stressin’?” ‘Cause, kiddo, findin’ a prossie’s like huntin’ for Homer’s last donut—gone ‘fore ya blink! I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these gals postin’ pics—fishnets, lipstick, the works. One chick’s bio says, “50 bucks, no weirdos.” I’m like, hmm… define “weirdos,” lady! Prolly means no one like Mr. Burns—creepy old coot’d scare her off!

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First off, I woke up late. Like, really late. My alarm? Totally ignored it. I bolted outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! I dashed outta my flat on Main Street, nearly tripping over my own feet. Classic me.

The School of Law and Criminology welcomes Dr Leanne O'Leary