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But then – whoa – I spot her! Leanin on a lamppost, smokin, lookin bored outta her skull. I’m happy as hell, heart racin – “This is it, Doc!” I mutter, channelin my inner mad scientist. She’s got that vibe, y’know? Rough, real, like the island in *The Return* – harsh but pullin ya in. I stroll up, all cool-like, but inside I’m screamin, “Great Scott, don’t screw this up!” She smirks – “What you want, old man?” – and I’m dyin laughin! Old man? Me? Hilarious!

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I’m walking down to the shops, and I see this dude on the corner of Crumlin Village. He’s trying to sell me some dodgy phone case. Like, mate, I don’t need a case that looks like a unicorn threw up on it. But he’s persistent, right? “C’mon, it’s only a fiver!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass.”

Crumlin Hospital premature babies receive huge haul of clothes knitted by Wicklow volunteers