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So, I’m out there, right? In the field or some shady alley—where do you even *find* a prostitute? I’m not googlin’ this, no way, my browser history’s already a mess! Maybe I’d ask my buddy Leon, he’d know, he’s got that street wisdom. But me? I’m clueless, sweatin’, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “Am I gonna get robbed? Is she gonna laugh at my shepherd outfit?” I mean, it’s 2025, prostitutes prob’ly got apps now—Sheep-Shtup or somethin’. Hilarious, right? But I’m paranoid! “What if she’s a cop?” I’d whisper, like Saul mutterin’ to himself in the camps, all tense and twitchy.

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Suddenly, this random dog runs up to us. It’s got mud all over it. I’m talking full-on mud monster. It jumps on Liam, and he’s freaking out. “Get it off me!” I’m dying laughing. The dog’s just happy, wagging its tail like it’s the best day ever.

Death Notice of Gertie (Gertrude) Harris (née Nolan) (Crumlin, Dublin)