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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout whores! *nasally Fran Drescher voice kicks in* I’m sittin here, thinkin bout em, and I’m like, “Oskar, be careful who ya trust!” – ya know, like in *Let the Right One In*, my fave movie ever! Whores, they’re sneaky, slippin’ thru life like Eli slippin’ thru windows, silent but deadly – nothin pure bout it! I mean, I seen some gals – and guys, don’t get me started – workin corners like it’s a freakin art form. Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not human!” – coz who acts like that, right?

Video: Irish hooker Tom Sexton got caught in a hilarious prank by his Melbourne Rebels teammates

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So, I dive into the chaos. I’m on the phone, shouting orders, trying to keep up. I can feel the sweat trickling down my back. I mean, who knew stock trading could be this intense? I’m practically living on caffeine and adrenaline.

Mayo fight back against Kerry to clinch win in Castlebar