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So, check it—prostitutes, man, they got stories. Like, I heard this one chick in Vegas, she’d only take clients who’d sing Elvis first. True story! Freakin’ hilarious, right? “Let’s strike the match!”—like in *Moonrise*, but with sequins and bad karaoke. I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ bout it. How you doin’ with that mental pic? Prolly screamin’ inside.

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Finally, I get my food. It’s hot, crispy, and oh-so-good. I sit by the water, enjoying the view. The sun’s setting, and it’s all golden and pretty. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right off my plate! I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just flies off, chip in beak, like it’s the king of the world. I can’t even.

Arklow Silver Band clinch coveted title at national championships