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Now, real talk – did ya know, back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant summat – red for “I’m game”, white for “nah, mate”. Chuck that in the game, little Easter egg, yeah? Players’d be like, “Blimey, that’s clever!” – gets me all giddy, that does. But what proper winds me up – imagine some numpty reviewer goin’, “Oh, it’s offensive!” Mate, it’s a laugh, lighten up! I’d be gutted if they missed the point – it’s art, innit, not a bleedin’ sermon.

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I keep walking, and I bump into my buddy, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he’s starting a podcast about local legends. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome! But what legends?” He goes on about the ghost of Sallins, and I’m just rolling my eyes. But honestly, it’s kinda intriguing.

No new crossing in Sallins for now despite car threat