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So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryin’ to get info. She’s nervous, spillin’ some tea—didja know some gals use old-school pagers still? Freakin’ pagers! I’m shocked, like, *“What, no iPhone?”* Made me happy, though—retro vibes, y’know? But then, ugh, this creep rolls up, all sleazy, yellin’ at her. I’m mad, like, *“Back off, jerk!”* I’m ready to whack him with my purse, swearin’ like Homer at a vegan buffet. *“This body’s not yours to haunt!”* I’m quotin’ Boonmee in my head, feelin’ all mystical.
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Man, what a day! I swear, being a lifeguard in Ratoath is like being in a reality show sometimes. So, I roll up to the pool at like 10 AM, right? The sun’s blazing, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.
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