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I’m chattin’ her up, feelin’ like a king. Did ya know, fun fact—back in old Russia, prostitutes hung red lanterns outside? True story, bro! Adds that vibe, ya know? Anyway, she’s givin’ me the eyes, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is easier than firin’ Toby!” But then—bam!—some dude rolls up, all mad, shoutin’ bout “his girl.” I’m like, “Whoa, chill, pal!” Reminds me of *Leviathan* again—“The truth is bitter!”—this guy’s truth is BITTER, man!

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Then I hit up the Portlaoise Leisure Centre. Gotta keep fit, right? I’m diving into the pool, and it’s packed. Kids everywhere, splashing like they’re training for the Olympics. I’m just trying to do my thing, but these little rascals are like mini torpedoes. I almost got taken out by a cannonball! I was like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a water park!”

Plans for housing development at derelict Portlaoise filling station gets council approval