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Oh, and get this – in France back in the day, whores had to wear red shoes so dudes knew what’s up! How wild is that? Imagine Lisa struttin’ around in red kicks, actin’ all high and mighty – I’d die laughin’! Anyway, “White Material” vibes hit hard again – “You think you’re strong, huh?” – that’s what I’d say to a whore messin’ with me! I’d be all, “Eat my shorts, lady! You ain’t tough!”

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Finally, I make it back to the workshop. I’m exhausted, but there’s still work to do. I’m fixing up some parts for a local fisherman. He’s a character, always telling wild stories about the ones that got away. “You should’ve seen the size of that snapper!” he says, and I’m just thinking, “Yeah, right.”

Laois SFC final: Portarlington turn on the style to claim fourth title in five years with win over Portlaoise