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So, check it, the graphics? Kinda dope, lowkey retro, like some pixelated fever dream. Makes me happy, ‘cause I’m a sucker for that old-school shit. But the controls? Man, they piss me off—clunky as hell, like tryna steer a spaceship with no grav. I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Move, you dumbass!” Meanwhile, the story’s got these prostitutes spillin’ tea—little known fact, one’s based on a real chick from 90s LA who conned pimps outta millions. Swear, humans are nuts.

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So, I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, who does maintenance on a sunny Saturday? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I spotted this little path leading down to the beach. I thought, “Why not?” So I took a stroll along the coast. The view was epic! The sea was all sparkly, and I could see the Howth Head in the distance.

Death Notice of Pádraig Gerard O'BRIEN (Malahide, Dublin)