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About Cork

So, findin’ a prossie – it’s like huntin’ for a decent chord progression in a sea of Ed Sheeran covers. Ya gotta know the spots, right? Them dark corners, neon flickerin’ like a dodgy amp. I reckon it’s all a bit sad, tho – blokes so desperate they’re payin’ for a shag. “You’re not even good at being pathetic!” I’d yell, laughin’ me arse off. Reminds me of that *Toni Erdmann* bit – “Life’s just a big, weird party!” – ‘cept this party’s got STDs and regret.

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I start callin’ out for Max. “Here, pup! Where ya at?” I swear, I must’ve looked like a total goofball. But then, outta nowhere, I hear this bark. My heart skips a beat. I follow the sound, and there he is! This little furball, waggin’ his tail like he just won the lottery. I scoop him up, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

Death Notice of Patrick (Patsy) Phibbs (Kilquade, Wicklow)