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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some kinda quest! Picture this: me, a crusty ol’ mechanic, greasy hands, wrench in my pocket, cruisin’ the streets like Royal Tenenbaum lookin’ for his next big mess. “You’re a rebel, Royal,” I mutter, thinkin’ how this ain’t no fancy Wes Anderson flick—it’s real life, damnit!

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Then, I hit up the park on Maple Ave. It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There was this kid flying a drone. Like, a full-on military-grade drone. I’m just trying to enjoy the ducks, and this thing nearly takes my head off. I yelled, “Hey, kid! You trying to start World War III?” He just laughed. Kids these days, man.

Major road closure in Tallaght following crash overnight