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About Dundalk

Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Vinegar Hill. You know, the place with all the history? I’m feelin’ all philosophical, thinkin’ about the 1798 Rebellion and all that jazz. But then, I see this old fella tryin’ to climb the hill. He’s huffin’ and puffin’, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s not Everest!” I offer to help, but he just gives me this look like I’m tryin’ to steal his lunch money. So, I back off.

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