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Then—BOOM—some dude rolls up, mad aggro. “That’s my girl!” he screams. I’m like, “Bruh, chill, I ain’t tryna steal your EVE!” He’s swingin’, I’m dippin’, fuckin’ chaos erupts! I’m pissed—why’s this gotta be a damn soap opera? But I’m cacklin’ too, ‘cause it’s so stupid. Prostitution’s a gamble, yo—half the time you’re dodgin’ fists, not cops.

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First off, I’m cruising down Victoria Street, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! I’m stuck behind this ancient bus that’s coughing up smoke like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m just sitting there, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking about how I’m gonna be late for my meeting at the Palace Hotel. Ugh.

David Neumann Will Receive Douglas and Ethel Watt Critics Choice Award at the Chita Rivera Awards