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About Swords

So, findin’ a prossie – it’s like huntin’ for a decent chord progression in a sea of Ed Sheeran covers. Ya gotta know the spots, right? Them dark corners, neon flickerin’ like a dodgy amp. I reckon it’s all a bit sad, tho – blokes so desperate they’re payin’ for a shag. “You’re not even good at being pathetic!” I’d yell, laughin’ me arse off. Reminds me of that *Toni Erdmann* bit – “Life’s just a big, weird party!” – ‘cept this party’s got STDs and regret.

Nobody is coming soon

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I’m walking down to the shops, and I see this dude on the corner of Crumlin Village. He’s trying to sell me some dodgy phone case. Like, mate, I don’t need a case that looks like a unicorn threw up on it. But he’s persistent, right? “C’mon, it’s only a fiver!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass.”

Indonesian woman who met love of her life in Crumlin adds spice to local area with ‘level 50’ chilli