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But then—oh glory!—I stumble on a gem. Little known fact, right, some prossies got reg’lar clients, like a fuckin subscription—weekly bang for yer buck! This one chick, mate, she’s got a flat near Soho, proper discreet. Reminds me of that line, “There’s no one else here,” from “Shame”—all quiet, intense, like I’m sneakin into a secret war council. She’s fit, too—curves like the hills of bloody Kent! I’m chuffed to bits, heart poundin like a drumroll at Dunkirk.

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After what feels like an eternity, I finally catch the little monster. Victory! I’m feeling like a champ. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s some dude on a skateboard, totally wiping out. He lands right in a puddle. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s Confey! You gotta expect the unexpected.

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