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I’m picturin’ it—me, hirin’ a gal, *Only Lovers* style. She shows up, leather jacket, smokey eyes—“This blood is expensive, darling.” I’d lose it! “Expensive? I’m payin’ for vibes here!” Happy? Sure, if she’s chill. Angry? If she’s late—punctuality, people! Surprised? Once saw a hooker dodge a cop by divin’ into a dumpster—Olympic-level move. I was dyin’ laughin’, “Pretty, pretty good escape!”

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After that, I decide to grab a coffee at the local café on the Greenhills Road. Best decision ever! The barista, a lovely gal named Aoife, makes the best flat white. I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all philosophical, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going on about the best chipper in Clondalkin. Like, seriously? It’s gotta be the one on the Old Nangor Road, right? But they’re all like, “Nah, it’s the one near the library.” I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Y’all need to chill. It’s just chips!”

10-year-old Clondalkin star Francesca Europa cast in new Hallmark film