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Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I sprint down Main St., dodging the usual crowd. You know, the folks at the café, sipping their lattes like they own the place. I swear, if I see one more person take a selfie with that weird statue on the corner of Main and Prosperous, I might lose it. Like, who even thought that was a good idea?

Kildare man remembered as 'a true gentleman'