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So we’re talkin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t so bad.” She’s got stories—real gritty ones. One time, some dude paid her in quarters! QUARTERS! I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ her luggin’ a sack o’ coins home. “The Gleaners” again—“A hand picks, a heart chooses.” She’s pickin’ through life, makin’ it work. I’m almost proud, y’know? But then—oh, then—she asks, “You buyin’ or what?” I freeze. Panic! “Uh, no, just… research!” I blurt. She rolls her eyes, walks off. I’m mortified! Research? Who says that?!

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First off, I’m trying to get my coffee fix at the local café on Main Street. You know, the one with the weird name—“Bean There, Done That.” I swear, the barista was having a rough morning. She spilled milk everywhere. Like, everywhere! I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and I’m like, “Is this a coffee shop or a dairy farm?”

Death Notice of Aaron Kavanagh (Carrigaline, Cork)