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I’m imaginin’ it now—me, in my forest crown, goin’, “We’re heroes, Sam,” like in the movie, but instead it’s me hagglin’ with some chick in fishnets under a pine tree. *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! She’s all, “20 bucks, hon,” and I’m like, “For THAT? I deserve a symphony orchestra too!” Total Wes Anderson moment—quirky, awkward, perfect. I’d probly trip over a root tryin’ to look cool, tho—typical me!

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So, I’m cleaning that mess up, and I hear this commotion down by the river. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some wild juggling act. I mean, this guy’s tossing flaming torches! I’m standing there, half in awe, half thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna set the whole place on fire!” But the crowd’s loving it. I’m laughing, clapping, and then—boom! One of the torches goes flying into the crowd. People scatter like ants! Hilarious, but also kinda scary.

Inside this week’s Westmeath Examiner