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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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After that chaos, I head over to the Market Square. It’s packed, as usual. I’m trying to hawk my stuff, but everyone’s too busy arguing over who has the best fish and chips. I mean, c’mon! It’s An-Muileann-gCearr! You can’t go wrong with any of them! But I’m getting frustrated. I’m like, “Hey, folks! Check out my cool merch!” But they’re all, “Nah, we’re good.”

Derry make it back-to-back All-Ireland MFC finals after edging Kerry in Mullingar