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And the girls—God bless em, really—but I’d be too neurotic to even talk. “Hi, uh, so, what’s your return policy?” I’d ask that, swear to God, cause what if it’s awkward? What if she’s judgin me? I’d judge me! Like, “Look at this schmuck, payin for it.” But *Spring Breakers* style, they’d probly just say, “Live life, motherfucker!” and I’d be like, “Okay, fair, but still—gross!” I’d tip extra just to not feel like a creep. Pretty, pretty good chance I’d bolt outta there anyway.

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I finally get back to my spot, and guess what? My display’s been knocked over! Some kid was playing soccer and kicked the ball right into my stuff. I’m fuming! I’m like, “Seriously, kid?!” But then I see the kid’s face—he’s so sorry. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off.

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