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Me, I’d be happy just watchin’ Leo snort cash off a table—prostitutes or not, that movie’s my jam. But real life? Hmm… it’s messy. Ya gotta dodge creeps, cops, and crusty motels. Pro tip—check reviews online, like Yelp for hookers! Sounds fake, but it’s legit—people rate ‘em. “Five stars, smelled nice!”—hahaha, I’m dyin’! Anyway, don’t be a dope—cash upfront, no IOUs, or you’re screwed. “Money talks, bullshit walks,” right?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The breeze was nice, but the sand? Ugh, it was like walking on hot coals. I was dodging kids and stray dogs like I was in some kinda obstacle course. And then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my fried banana! Like, excuse me, that was MY snack! I was ready to throw hands with a bird.

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