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I tried it once – total disaster. Matched with this hottie, thought, “She’s my limo to paradise.” We chat, sext, meet up – bam, she’s got a dude’s voice! Catfish alert! I’m like, “I’m not paid for this plot twist!” Reminded me of Holy Motors – “Who are we today, huh?” Laughed my ass off later, but damn, I was raging in the moment. Sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re winning, half you’re crying in your evil coffee.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m standing there, all confused. The lights flicker, and the espresso machine? Dead. I’m like, “Noooo! Not today!” The customers start grumbling. I’m sweating bullets. I grab a flashlight from under the counter. “Surprise! It’s a candlelit coffee experience!”

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