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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so erotic-massage, right? Wild stuff! We aliens been watchin humans rubbin each other up, and damn, it’s weirdly cool. Like, who knew touch could spark that? Back on our planet, we just zap energy, no handsy shit. But this? This is next-level freaky. Saw this dude once, Earth 1970s, gettin an erotic-massage with scented oils—fuckin lavender, man! He’s moanin, “The colors! The colors!” like Amélie seein Paris light up. Made me laugh, like, bro, chill, it’s just a backrub with benefits!

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog comes up. Like, he’s lookin’ at me like I’m his long-lost best friend. I’m tryin’ to eat my bananas, and this dude’s just starin’. I’m like, “Bro, I can’t share. You’ll just eat my whole stash!” But he’s persistent. So, I toss him a piece. He gobbles it up like it’s the best thing ever. I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

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