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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” Sex-dating? Man, it’s wild out there! Like “Wolf of Wall Street” wild. You got folks swipin’ left, right, tryna score. It’s a freakin’ jungle, I tell ya! Apps like Tinder, Bumble – pure chaos. People sellin’ themselves like Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!” – that’s their vibe. Hella thirsty dudes, chicks posin’ half-naked. It’s a game, bro, straight up.

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As the sun starts to set, I decide to hit up Jl. Pahlawan. There’s this little café I love. I order some kopi Pasuruan, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m sipping it, feeling all philosophical. Like, why do we even stress about the little things? Life’s too short, man.

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