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Oi, fam, it’s me, da Gardener! Check it, I’m chattin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, innit? Proper naughty stuff, yeah? So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is like—BOOM—pure vibes, bruv. Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butta. Reminds me of *Before Sunset*, ya get me? That slow burn, chattin’ deep, feelin’ that spark—same energy, fam! Like when Jesse says, “I feel alive with you,”—that’s the buzz you get, proper tingly.

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I try to sneak up on it, but of course, it spots me. It charges! I’m dodging like I’m in some action movie. Heart racing, adrenaline pumping. I finally get a shot off, and BAM! Got it! But not before it wrecked half the rice field. I’m gonna hear about this for weeks.

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