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I tried it once, bruv—proper lush, got me feelin’ like WALL-E when he finds EVE, all “Ta-da!” and that. The lass was kneadin’ me shoulders, oil everywhere, I’m thinkin’, “Bruv, this is peng!” But then—get this—some dodgy geezer at a parlour tried chargin’ me double, sayin’ it’s “extra special.” Mate, I was fumin’—nearly sparked him out! “Directive?” I says, “Directive is you stop rinsin’ me wallet, ya mug!” Had to bounce quick, fam.

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First off, I’m a machinist, so I’m used to the grind. But today? Today was somethin’ else. I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from that little warung on Jl. Raya Kalianget. You know the one? Best kopi in town! I’m chuggin’ it down, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, bam! My bike won’t start. Classic, right? I’m like, “C’mon, not today!”

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