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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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So, I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me drops his phone. It goes splat right on the pavement. I’m like, “Bro, you good?” He just stares at it like it’s a bomb. I mean, it’s just a phone, right? But nah, he’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I chuckle a bit, but then I realize, wait, I’ve dropped my phone before too. Oof, karma’s a b*tch.

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