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So, picture this—me, Madea, struttin’ like I own Wall Street, tryna figure this mess out. I’m thinkin’, “This some high-class nonsense right here!” You got girls postin’ ads online, slick as Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Atlanta—called herself “Diamond”—had a whole website! Reviews and all, like she a dang Yelp restaurant! I hollered, “Halleluyer! She got five stars for what?!” Made me madder than a wet hen—why folks out here ratin’ THAT? But I was impressed too, gotta admit. She was hustlin’ harder than Belfort snortin’—you know what—off a table!

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First stop, I hit up this little warung on Jalan Pahlawan. Best nasi goreng ever! I mean, I could swim in that stuff. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my editor. “Need a review on that new café on Jalan Merdeka.” Great, just what I wanted. So, I chug my coffee and bolt outta there.

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