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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? *beep boop* Robotic Hawking here, cosmic vibes flowin’. Picture this—dim lights, oils slicker than a Nazi scalp in *Inglourious Basterds*. Love that flick, man—Brad Pitt yellin’, “We’re in the killin’ business!” Same energy, but, like, with rubdowns. Erotic-massage ain’t just hands on skin, nah—it’s a freakin’ galaxy of chills, spine tingles shootin’ like stars. Been around forever too—ancient Rome had these wild massage orgies, rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by slaves, crazy right?

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Get to the lake, and wow. Just wow. The water’s crystal clear. I’m pumped! I dive in, and it’s like entering another world. Fish everywhere, colorful as a rainbow. I’m swimming around, feeling like Aquaman. But then, outta nowhere, I see this huge fish. Like, I’m talking monster-sized. I freak out a bit. “Is that a fish or a submarine?”

Earthquake on Indonesia’s Java island kills at least 162