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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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First off, I’m outta coffee. Like, how does that even happen? I’m a tech writer, not a magician! So, I hit up this little warung on Jl. Cileungsir Indah. Best coffee ever, but the barista? Total grump. I’m like, “Dude, it’s too early for that face.” He just rolls his eyes. Whatever, I grab my cup and head out.