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Oi mate, Biochemist Bond here – suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, let’s chat bout findin a prostitute, yeah? Picture this – I’m strollin thru the neon-lit streets, thinkin bout *Melancholia*, that gloomy flick I bloody love. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says in it, and I’m like, shit, maybe she’s right. World’s a mess, so why not dive into the chaos, find a prozzie for the night?

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I get to the shop, and it’s a mess. Flour everywhere. I swear, it looked like a flour bomb exploded. I’m like, “Who did this?!” Turns out, my cat, Kiki, thought it was a playground. Classic Kiki. I can’t even be mad. She’s too cute.

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