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I lean in, all smooth-like, “Fancy a spin, love?” She smirks, says, “Cash up front, handsome.” Fair play, I respect the hustle—girl’s gotta eat. We haggle a bit, cos I ain’t no mug, and I’m thinkin’, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle,” like Boonmee’s weird monkey spirits, “you gotta watch your back.” Didja know, back in the ‘60s, MI6 used prossies to honeytrap spies? True story—Cold War was wild!

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So, I finally made it to the market on Jl. Cibadak. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with life? I was hyped for some fresh fruits. But then, I saw this vendor selling durians. Ugh, durians! They smell like a gym sock left in the sun. I was like, “No thanks, bro!” But the guy insisted. “Best in Soreang!” he said. Yeah, right. I’d rather eat cardboard.

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