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So, we starts thinkin’, me and meself—where’s the prossies at? Moscow’s wild, yesss—Red Square’s all fancy, but nah, not there. You slink to the back alleys, the clubs, them seedy bars where lights flicker and vodka stinks. Hiss! Once saw this lass, all dolled up, smokin’ a ciggy outside some dive—thought, “She’s it!” Nope! Just a drunk uni chick, lost as hell—made me mad, wasted me time! Grrr! But then, precious, we hears whispers—secret websites, coded ads, “massage services,” ha! Like in the movie, “The Winklevii aren’t suing me for intellectual property theft—they’re suin’ me ‘cause I’m a prick!”—well, I ain’t no prick, just desperate, eh?

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Then, I hit up the harbor. The view? Stunning! The sea was glistening, boats bobbing like they were dancing. I could feel the salty breeze on my face. It was one of those moments where you just breathe and think, “Life’s not so bad.” But then, I saw a seagull swoop down and steal someone’s snack. Like, dude, that bird has no chill!

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