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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, promotion king, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, respect my authoritah! So I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Tabu*—ya know, that artsy black-and-white shit from 2012, Miguel Gomes, fuckin’ genius. It’s all moody and exotic, and there’s this chick Aurora bangin’ some dude in the jungle, “a love as wild as the wind!”—and I’m like, hell yeah, that’s the vibe I want when I’m huntin’ for a hooker!

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After that, things get wild. I’m on my break, chillin’ outside, when I see this street vendor on Jl. Sisingamangaraja. He’s got the best pempek in town. I’m drooling just thinking about it. So, I grab a plate, and man, it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m scarfing it down, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash.

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