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Precious, oh precious! Erotic-massage, eh? Me likes it, yes! Slippery hands, soft skin—ooh, so nice! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! “What’s this shadow?”—hah, from *The Return*, right? Dark, moody vibes, but erotic-massage? Total opposite! Warm oil, candles, sneaky touches—gets me all tingly. Once heard this wild story—ancient Rome, gladiators got rubdowns before fights! Not just for sore muscles, nope—kept ‘em frisky too! Me thinks that’s badass, yeah?

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First off, I hit up Jl. Raya Modisi for breakfast. You know, the usual spot with the best nasi goreng? I’m sittin’ there, scarfing down my food, and this street vendor rolls up. He’s got this crazy-looking fruit. I’m like, “What’s that?” He says, “Salak!” I’m like, “Salak? Sounds like a bad word!” But I try it anyway. OMG, it’s like a sweet, crunchy miracle! I’m in love.

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