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I saunter up, all cocky, say, “Hey, how’s biz?” She laughs—dry, sarcastic laugh—goes, “Better than your fish stink.” Burn! I’m mad for a sec, but damn, she’s funny! Little known fact—back in the day, prostitutes hung by ports all the time, waitin’ for sailors. History’s wild, right? Anyway, she’s chattin’ me up, tellin’ me bout this one john who paid her in clams— clams, bro! I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ her stuffin’ shells in her purse.

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First off, I hit up Jl. Legian. You know, the main drag? It’s like a circus out there. Tourists everywhere, like ants on a picnic. I’m just tryin’ to get my morning coffee at this little warung. The barista? Total legend. He’s got this crazy mustache, like a walrus or somethin’. I order my usual, and he’s like, “You want it strong or strong?” I’m like, “Dude, I need it to slap me awake!”

Japanese Nikkei Sushi by TENKAI at Padma Resort Legian