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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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But then, the convo takes a turn. Rudi’s all stressed about his job. He’s working at some insurance company too, but he’s not an actuary like me. He’s dealing with claims and all that jazz. I’m like, “Dude, just crunch the numbers, it’s not rocket science!” But he’s all, “You don’t get it!” And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t, but I’m here for you, man.”

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