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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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So, I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Yeah, it totally betrayed me. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. You know, the usual artist vibe—paint-splattered shirt, mismatched socks. Classic.

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