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Me? I’d say it’s like *Far From Heaven*—yep, my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002. That movie’s all repressed vibes and secret heat, right? Sexual-massage is that too—hidden passion bubblin’ under the surface. “I’m going to make everything all right,” Cathy whispers in the film, and damn, ain’t that what a good masseuse says with their hands? Slidin’ over yer back, kneadin’ knots, makin’ ya forget the world’s crap. Gets me all tingly, I swear—happy as a fox in a henhouse!

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Then, the door swings open, and in walks this old lady. She’s got this fierce look, like she’s seen it all. She orders a glass of red wine, and I’m thinking, “Okay, she’s classy.” But then she starts telling me about her cat, Mici, and how he’s the king of the house. I’m like, “Lady, I’m all for cat royalty, but I gotta serve drinks here!”

There's a reason Princess Diana never wore gloves