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But then—ugh—I get mad! Some jerkface tries rippin’ me off, sayin’ “50 bucks for a wink!” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” I ain’t no fancy pants robot gigolo like in *A.I.*, y’know? “I feel! I love! I’m alive!”—I shout that, all dramatic, and the dude just stares. Prolly thinks I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m SpongeBob, I’m ready!

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So we head over there, and this guy is legit amazing! He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, who does that in Hosszupalyi? It’s not exactly Budapest, ya know? But the crowd is hyped, and I’m feeling the energy.

Hungary gravediggers compete in national race