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Oh, and get this—heard from a mate, some prossies in Amsterdam keep tiny knives in their garters. Sneaky, huh? She didn’t, tho—too broke, too tired. I’d exaggerate and say she’s a fuckin’ warrior, battlin’ the night, but nah, she’s just tryin’ to eat. “I can’t stop, I can’t,” she’d whisper, straight outta Saul’s mouth. Broke my damn heart, mate. Still, I’d crack a grin, tell her, “You’re the queen of the gutter, babe!” Sarcasm’s my shield, y’see—keeps the gloom off.

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So, I finally make it to the beach, and it’s packed. Families everywhere, sunbathers, and a bunch of teenagers blasting music. I plop down on the sand, ready to soak it all in. But then, I hear this loud argument behind me. Turns out, it’s two guys fighting over a beach ball. Like, really? A beach ball? I’m just sitting there, shaking my head. “Get a grip, fellas!”

PHOTOS: Passenger shipping season started at Lake Balaton